Sunday, May 29, 2005

Liberal / Conservative Dictionary

Abortion
Libs: The tragic exercise of a woman’s unalienable right
Cons: Murder

Affirmative Action
Libs: Special advantage for minorities to correct previous wrongs
Cons: Special advantage for members of well connected or powerful families to maintain their position

Aggressive Foreign Policy
Libs: Allowing self determination for people in foreign countries, by force if necessary.
Cons: Forcing foreigners to live like Americans whether they want to or not.


ANWR
Libs: The pristine and fragile natural asset on Alaska’s northern slope that must be protected from exploitation
Cons: An opportunity for cheap oil

Biasness in News
Libs: Theoretically unavoidable political inclination that can taint an objective report.
Cons: Liberals attempted slant in new reports. A conservative slant is not bias since it's the truth.

Bleeding Heart Liberal
Libs: A member of a faction of liberalism which is exemplified by the excessive and unrealistic concern shown for individuals in the criminal justice system and all aspects of the environment including every single member of every species no matter how insignificant
Cons: A descriptive term for all liberal

Compassionate Conservative
Libs: Recognition by conservatives of the need for governmental concern for those disadvantaged or less fortunate.
Cons: A gimmick to get the liberal vote

Conservatives
Libs: The descendents of white Europeans struggling to keep what they have from anybody else who came before, during, or after they did.
Cons: Bedrock Americans holding on to the true American way of life.

The Democracy Spring in the Middle East
Libs: The manifestation of basic desires among Middle Eastern people for freedom and a voice in their own government brought on by the successfully free vote among Palestinians and Iraqis.
Cons: Validation and verification of the Bush Doctrine for the Middle East.

End of Cold War / Fall of Communism
Libs: Education that free markets are more effective than planned economies
Cons: Vindication that free markets are more effective than planned economies

Evolution
Libs: The process of natural selection that explains the speciation of life on earth
Cons: An atheistic theory that has no proof

Faggots
Libs: A demeaning name for men who do not display a macho life style
Cons: Liberals

Faith-Based Government
Libs: The misappropriation of that which is within Caesar’s domain. Failure by the followers of Jesus Christ to heed His direction on how that which is Caesar’s should be rendered.
Cons: Bringing God into government so governmental decisions are God’s decisions.

Faith-Based Science
Libs: An insult to God. Also, an oxymoron since science is a matter of fact and belief in God is a matter of faith and to try and blend them is to diminish both.
Cons: Putting God back into science. Science as God intended. God’s science.

Flip Fop
Libs: Frequent changing of political position, especially for personal short-term advantage. However, it may be a derogatory reference for innovative change of position because of a timely recognition of fundamental change in the political environment. Cons: Frequent changing of political position, especially for personal short-term advantage (Period!).

Gays
Libs: An alternative lifestyle
Cons: An abomination and illegal lifestyle that should be hidden or corrected

Girlie Men
Libs: An insulting name coined by a famous Republican for those men who question certain stereotypical political positions for men
Cons: Most if not all liberal men

Global Test
Libs: An assay that is done after the fact
Cons: A test the U.S. must past before the fact

Global Warming
Libs: The result of carbon loading in the atmosphere from the burning of hydrocarbon based fuels
Cons: Another liberal theory for which there is no real proof

God
Libs: The belief in a supreme being or beings in varying forms in different cultures.
Cons: A white English speaking Supreme Being with a white immaculately conceived English speaking son of a Jewish woman.

Government
Libs: Organization responsible for the general welfare and the protection of individual rights
Cons: An intrusion in private life

Gulf War II
Libs: The first item in the Neo-Conservatives' (neocons) agenda for America
Cons: Retaliation for 9/11 against Saddam for his tight link to Al Qaeda and possession of WMD

Gun Control
Libs: The necessary infringement of second amendment rights in order to fight increasing use of handguns and weapons designed to kill large numbers of human beings.
Cons: Precedent in the outlawing of all guns.

Intelligent Design
Libs: Pseudoscience by creationist. Another attempt at solidifying that which is neither solid nor concrete: faith
Cons: A theory just like evolution which should be taught in school along with evolution

Liberals
Libs: Idealistic Americans who want the promise of the Declaration of Independence, Preamble to the Constitution, and Gettysburg Address for all Americans.
Cons: Bleeding hearts who would undermine this country’s basic values and strengths for a bunch of ingrates

Liberal bias
Libs:An oxymoron. A liberal can no more be bias than a conservative cannot. Often confused with Sloppy Journalism.
Cons: Rules maintsteam media.

Mainstream Media
Libs: A tool of the right
Cons: Full of liberal bias

Mule Headedness
Libs: The first phase of a politican's progression to dogmatism
Cons: An insult by liberals for those who stick to principle

Neo-Conservatives
Libs: An extreme faction of the conservative members of the Republican Party that believes the U.S. should maintain its current sole superpower status by preemptive invasions of selected nations with Iraq being the first. Took control of the Pentagon and U.S. foreign policy after the election of 2000.
Cons: Great Americans.

Objectivity in News
Libs: An idealistic goal in news that is best achieved by consciously striving for a personal nonjudgmental outlook on life.
Cons: Reporting the conservative viewpoint without fault or favor.

Prayer in School
Libs: Organized or institutionalized prayer such as in an assembly or classroom in public school is a violation of the first amendment. Small private prayers by individuals will continue in schools as long as there are finals.
Cons: Not only protected by the first amendment, it should be encouraged, defended, and hammered into kids everyday.

Privatization of Social Security
Libs: First step in a campaign to undermine and then do away with one of liberals' greatest accomplishments, Social Security.
Cons: First step to separate those who can afford a retirement from those that cannot and finally get rid that liberal albatross around American’s neck, Social Security.

Sex
Libs: The most intimate of all contact between two individuals, initially evolved to optimize survival, it can be he most human of expressions.
Cons: A dirty, filthy act that should only be done for impregnation and only in the missionary position. However, it you can sneak off and do it with someone other than your spouse, you can do it all kinds of ways, and it’s lots of fun.

Sloppy Journalism
Libs: Often judged liberal bias, when the news is communicated incorrectly regarding facts or perspective to the news consumer.
Cons: Liberal bias at its worse.

Status quo
Libs: Something that should be changed
Cons: Something that should be maintained

Taxes
Libs: Each citizen’s obligation to finance the proper operation of government
Cons: Something to be avoided as much as possible

Welfare
Libs: Care and support for the disadvantaged
Cons: Handout to bums

Welfare State
Libs: The unanticipated cost of providing welfare to all in need
Cons: The results of too many liberals in government

Women’s Rights
Libs: The movement to secure for women equal treatment and opportunity -- those declared self-evident truths of unalienable rights for all women.
Cons: The right to an all American two-fisted man, a passel of children, and host of chores.

4 Comments:

Blogger TheDevilIsInTheDetails said...

Another abortion services Resource... LifeLaw.org . A discussion forum for all that deals with such hot-button issues as abortion services .

12:12 AM  
Blogger NoTONoEagles said...

Help Mommy, there are Liberals! underneath my bed!!! (No, seriously, that's the name of the book...) Don't believe me? The dang thing's on Amazon, not some hippie-press bullcrap ;) Anyway, thought you might enjoy, pinko ;)

7:46 AM  
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1:50 AM  
Blogger thepoetryman said...

Loved your defined list my friend....

12:35 AM  

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